{"id":28560,"date":"2025-12-04T08:00:46","date_gmt":"2025-12-04T08:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/?p=28560"},"modified":"2025-12-04T11:40:16","modified_gmt":"2025-12-04T11:40:16","slug":"fear-of-abandonment-in-your-baby","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/blog\/infant\/fear-of-abandonment-in-your-baby\/","title":{"rendered":"Soothing anxiety and fear of abandonment in your baby"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Separation anxiety, often referred to as fear of abandonment, occurs when your baby shows discomfort when you move away from them. This creates a new emotional reaction that can be difficult to understand.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>How can you soothe separation anxiety and the fear of abandonment in your baby?<\/strong> Let\u2019s take a closer look.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><b>What is <\/b><b>separation anxiety and the<\/b><b> fear of abandonment in babies?<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><strong>The fear of abandonment, or separation anxiety,<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> was theorized by Ren\u00e9 Spitz in 1960 to explain the behavior of a baby who shows difficulties when separated from their attachment figure. Today, the terms \u201cfear\u201d and \u201canxiety\u201d seem a bit too strong to describe this perfectly normal stage in a child\u2019s development. Moreover, it is not a mandatory milestone, nor is it always accompanied by anxious feelings. We therefore prefer to talk about separation anxiety rather than fear of abandonment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Throughout their development, your baby learns to <\/span><strong>find reference points<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in the world around them. Among these major reference points: you. You are one of their <\/span><strong>primary attachment figures<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Between 6 and 9 months<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, this phenomenon intensifies. Your baby can now <\/span><strong>distinguish people<\/strong> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and realizes that at the park or daycare, there are many people they don\u2019t know. This developmental stage may lead to new behaviors, especially during separations:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">they try to <\/span><strong>stay close to their attachment figure<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and may cry or scream when that person walks away,<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">they suddenly become <\/span><strong>worried<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or <\/span><strong>defensive around unfamiliar people<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, whereas previously they smiled at everyone.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is perfectly normal. It\u2019s an important step in their<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">emotional development<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and intellect. It\u2019s a sign that your baby is growing and <\/span><strong>becoming aware of the world around them<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. As a parent, you can help make this developmental stage easier by ensuring they feel secure.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Not all children will react the same way<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: some may show great interest in new faces, while others might not show any noticeable change in behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rather than \u201cseparation anxiety,\u201d many prefer to call this phase a \u201crealization of separation and <\/span><strong>prioritization of attachment figures<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u201d Most babies are not truly \u201canxious,\u201d but may simply feel <\/span><strong>a bit unsettled<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Want to learn more? Feel free to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/app.adjust.com\/1pblulz8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">download the May app<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where you&#8217;ll find plenty of resources to support and guide you throughout your journey as a new parent.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-28538\" src=\"https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/mother-try-calm-her-crying-baby-in-bed-maternity-2025-03-08-11-41-22-utc.webp\" alt=\"Comment apaiser l\u2019anxi\u00e9t\u00e9 et la peur de l&#039;abandon chez son b\u00e9b\u00e9 ? - May App Sant\u00e9\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/mother-try-calm-her-crying-baby-in-bed-maternity-2025-03-08-11-41-22-utc.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/mother-try-calm-her-crying-baby-in-bed-maternity-2025-03-08-11-41-22-utc-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/mother-try-calm-her-crying-baby-in-bed-maternity-2025-03-08-11-41-22-utc-768x512.webp 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><b>At what age can a baby start experiencing <\/b><b>separation anxiety or the<\/b><b> fear of abandonment?<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Each baby is unique, so their developmental pace will never be exactly the same as another\u2019s. Traditionally, people associate this \u201cfear of abandonment\u201d with the <\/span><b>8-month<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> milestone based on Ren\u00e9 Spitz\u2019s research. Today, studies on babies\u2019 psychological development have evolved and question the relevance of this so-called \u201ceighth-month anxiety.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In reality, there is <\/span><strong>no set age<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for your baby to experience this <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">awareness of separation<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Research suggests that babies can recognize certain faces (such as their mother\u2019s) from birth and begin developing <\/span><strong>object permanence<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> around 4 months, or even earlier.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Indeed, since birth, their perception of the world and the people around them continuously evolves. <\/span><b>Between 3 and 6 months<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, your baby has already grown closer to <\/span><strong>you<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, their primary attachment figure. <\/span><strong>Between 6 and 9 months<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, they can identify their <\/span><strong>primary attachment figures<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (parents, siblings\u2026) along with their <\/span><strong>secondary attachment figures<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (nannies, daycare workers, grandparents\u2026) and <\/span><strong>strangers<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They distinguish people not based on attachment but on the situations associated with them (for example, with mom it\u2019s baths and cuddles, with the nanny it\u2019s stroller walks in the park\u2026).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The more advanced your child becomes in these skills, the more likely they are to show signs of anxiety during <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">separations<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or new encounters.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><b>How can you recognize the signs <\/b><b>of separation anxiety or the <\/b><b>fear of abandonment in a baby?<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the most obvious signs that your baby is experiencing this \u201cfear of abandonment\u201d is <\/span><strong>a change in behavior<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> when exploring a new environment, losing visual contact with parents, or meeting someone new. They may cry, scream, fidget, or become unable to focus on play&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bedtime<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can also become more difficult, as it represents a moment of separation, even if your baby previously<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> slept well<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: they may now cry when you leave the room after putting them to bed and may wake during the night crying and needing your presence for reassurance.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>All children are different:<\/strong> while some may show these signs, others may go through this stage without displaying any particular worries.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Les pleurs du nourrisson\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/TVubzMAk9WY?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><b>What causes <\/b><b>separation anxiety<\/b><b> and the fear of abandonment?<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As mentioned earlier, these stressful moments are due to the <\/span><strong>prioritization of attachment figures<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that intensifies between 6 and 9 months. Your child increasingly categorizes the faces they encounter, from those they trust most (direct circle) to those they don\u2019t know at all. They become better at identifying strangers, which can cause <\/span><strong>stress or discomfort<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> when none of their primary attachment figures are present.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is also possible that your child has not fully acquired <\/span><strong>object permanence<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: they don\u2019t yet understand that someone or something continues to exist even when out of sight, and therefore is not gone forever.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-28542\" src=\"https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/mother-holding-cute-newborn-baby-girl-yawning-at-h-2024-11-02-23-41-37-utc.webp\" alt=\"Comment apaiser l\u2019anxi\u00e9t\u00e9 et la peur de l&#039;abandon chez son b\u00e9b\u00e9 ? - May App Sant\u00e9\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/mother-holding-cute-newborn-baby-girl-yawning-at-h-2024-11-02-23-41-37-utc.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/mother-holding-cute-newborn-baby-girl-yawning-at-h-2024-11-02-23-41-37-utc-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/mother-holding-cute-newborn-baby-girl-yawning-at-h-2024-11-02-23-41-37-utc-768x512.webp 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How can you soothe your child&#8217;s fear of abandonment?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The moment of separation can trigger anxiety, for both you and your child. <\/span><strong>They will gradually learn to let go and open up to others<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but it may take some adjustment. To comfort and guide them during this period, here are a few tips you can apply:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Try to maintain <\/span><strong>a confident attitude<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: since birth, children mimic behaviors. If they sense you are anxious, they may become anxious too.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When someone new is taking care of your child, ask them to arrive early so they can <\/span><strong>get to know<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and play with your baby <\/span><strong>before you leave.<\/strong><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your baby is worried when meeting a new person, you can reassure them <\/span><strong>by holding them or taking their hand<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Don\u2019t force them to interact immediately\u2014let them engage at their own pace.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Help them fully <\/span><strong>understand object permanence<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (the idea that something continues to exist even when unseen). You can play <\/span><strong>peekaboo<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with an object or yourself to show that things still exist even when temporarily out of sight.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><strong>Their comfort object (security blanket)<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can be a great ally: it acts as a transitional object and comforts them when needed.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><strong>Give them something that belongs to you<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, so they know you will come back to retrieve it.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><strong>Bring an item from home<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that they can keep during the day (a book, a toy\u2026).<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><strong>Draw a small heart on their wrist<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, which they can touch when they miss you.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Separation moments are important to support! Make sure to <\/span><strong>focus on the fact that you will return<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> rather than on the separation itself: for instance, mention that you\u2019ll be back after snack time. You can also <\/span><strong>talk about an activity you\u2019ll do together when you return<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014a walk, a story, preparing dinner, playing\u2026 This reassures them that you will come back.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also take the time to <\/span><strong>properly say goodbye<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. However, it\u2019s important to identify <\/span><strong>the right moment to leave<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014for example, when your child seems calm and starts an activity, it may be the perfect time. But don\u2019t forget to show them that you\u2019re leaving and to say goodbye.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Reunions<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can also be challenging: just as they got used to your absence, you return! Even if you explained you would come back, <\/span><strong>they may not immediately jump into your arms<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and might need to <\/span><strong>release tension<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> accumulated during the day with you, their trusted attachment figure. Give them time! <\/span><strong>Once they seem receptive<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, talk about their day and yours so they understand what happens when you\u2019re away.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-28545\" src=\"https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/baby-is-crying-and-the-mother-calms-him-down-baby-2025-01-10-05-33-30-utc.webp\" alt=\"Comment apaiser l\u2019anxi\u00e9t\u00e9 et la peur de l&#039;abandon chez son b\u00e9b\u00e9 ? - May App Sant\u00e9\" width=\"1000\" height=\"667\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/baby-is-crying-and-the-mother-calms-him-down-baby-2025-01-10-05-33-30-utc.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/baby-is-crying-and-the-mother-calms-him-down-baby-2025-01-10-05-33-30-utc-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.may.app\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/baby-is-crying-and-the-mother-calms-him-down-baby-2025-01-10-05-33-30-utc-768x512.webp 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><b>When should you <\/b><b>consult a professional<\/b><b> about your baby\u2019s separation anxiety?<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once again, this \u201cfear\u201d of abandonment is perfectly normal: all babies go through it. <\/span><strong>It is not a disorder<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, simply a stage of development. Generally, <\/span><strong>providing your baby with reassurance and support<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is enough, and this anxiety fades on its own.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, if you are concerned because this fear appears with <\/span><strong>high intensity or without any improvement over time<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, listen to your instincts and <\/span><strong>talk to a healthcare professional<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">such as a pediatrician,<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> who can guide you through this period.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Depending on your child\u2019s temperament, <\/span><strong>this adjustment phase may last longer<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and may be <\/span><strong>more or less intense<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Although this stage is completely normal, it can be challenging for babies and parents alike\u2014but don\u2019t worry, you\u2019ll get through it together as a family!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Advice from <em>Emmanuelle Rigeade<\/em>, pediatric nurse: <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>\u201cA comfort object (security blanket) is essential for your child because it represents you when you\u2019re not there and symbolizes home when your child is elsewhere. It may be a stuffed animal or any unexpected object your baby has chosen. Don\u2019t hesitate to include this comfort object in your daily routine, take it everywhere with your baby, and make sure they can access it whenever needed.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To conclude, separation anxiety <strong>is an integral part of your baby\u2019s emotional development<\/strong>. While this stage can sometimes disrupt everyday life, it is usually temporary and gradually subsides thanks to your reassuring presence and consistent rituals. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By offering your child a predictable environment, clear separations, and warm reunions, you help them build solid inner security. And if, despite your efforts, their reactions seem unusual or persist, a professional\u2019s guidance can provide valuable support.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>**<\/p>\n<p>Cr\u00e9dits photos : IciakPhotos | morrowlight | evablanco | omosman950<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This text was translated from French by an artificial intelligence. The information, advice, and sources it contains comply with French standards and may therefore not apply to your situation. Make sure to complement this reading by visiting the May US\/UK app and consulting the healthcare professionals who are supporting you.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Separation anxiety, often referred to as fear of abandonment, occurs when your baby shows discomfort when you move away from them. This creates a new emotional reaction that can be difficult to understand. How can you soothe separation anxiety and the fear of abandonment in your baby? Let\u2019s take a closer look. What is separation [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":28550,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[196,197,199],"tags":[150],"class_list":["post-28560","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infant","category-baby-6-12-months","category-baby-1-year","tag-baby-daily-life"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28560","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28560"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28560\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28564,"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28560\/revisions\/28564"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/28550"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28560"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28560"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.may.app\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28560"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}