In the 1940s, an Austrian researcher (Konrad Lorenz) developed a theory suggesting that a baby’s proportions automatically make them adorable: big round eyes, high eyebrows, chubby face, small nose and mouth\u2026 But sometimes, parents may find their baby a bit unattractive, awkward-looking, or let’s be honest\u2014ugly.<\/p>\n
Finding your baby ugly: let\u2019s break the taboo and tell you everything.<\/p>\n
Parents usually look forward to meeting their baby for the first time<\/strong>, gazing into each other’s eyes\u2026 But sometimes, when you first lay eyes on your newborn, you might notice something odd: an awkward feature, a misshapen or strange head, in short, something about their appearance feels off<\/strong>. Right after birth, babies may be covered in a whitish cream<\/strong>. This is the vernix caseosa<\/strong>. It serves several functions, such as:<\/p>\n The closer the baby is to full term, the less vernix they\u2019ll have.<\/strong> Don\u2019t worry: the vernix will be absorbed by your baby\u2019s skin within a few hours. So be prepared\u2014your baby may not be all pink but rather covered in white at first!<\/p>\n If your baby is born vaginally, especially if instruments (such as a suction cup or forceps) were used to help with delivery<\/strong>, the passage through the pelvis may cause their head to be slightly misshapen, elongated, or bumpy. Don\u2019t panic, the skull will round out in just a few hours<\/strong>!<\/p>\n It\u2019s not uncommon for newborns, who built up fat and water reserves before birth<\/strong>, to arrive a bit swollen, much like a boxer after a tough fight. This swelling decreases quickly in the first few days.<\/p>\n Besides what we\u2019ve already mentioned, your child won\u2019t be at their cleanest<\/strong> on the day they\u2019re born. They might still have remnants of their time in the womb on their skin or in their hair if they have any\u2014substances like blood, amniotic fluid, clots, or meconium. Meeting your baby is highly fantasized during pregnancy<\/strong>. Then it becomes reality. In this moment where fantasy meets reality, not all parents have the same experience. There may be a gap between how you imagined your baby and how they actually look. This is often referred to as the encounter between the real child and the imagined child<\/strong>, and it can bring surprises, or even disappointment if you find them \u201cugly.\u201d This gap<\/strong> we\u2019ve just described can complicate your first meeting with your baby<\/strong>. You\u2019ll need to let go of your expectations and accept moving away from the ideal you had imagined<\/strong>. So yes, it\u2019s entirely possible to find your baby ugly and struggle to bond with them right away. And that\u2019s okay. Bonding is something you build at your own pace.<\/p>\n Conclusion: don\u2019t panic if you\u2019re not blown away by their beauty. Give yourself time.<\/p>\n No, no, no, and no! As we\u2019ve seen, finding your baby unattractive can happen. That doesn\u2019t make you bad parents.<\/strong> There\u2019s a myth suggesting that everything in parenting should be perfect, including how your baby looks. And remember, you are not the first person to feel this way<\/strong>. Don\u2019t hesitate to talk about it, because making it a taboo only reinforces the belief that these thoughts are abnormal and shameful.<\/p>\n Granted, it\u2019s not always easy to talk about it<\/strong>: society expects new parents to feel instant fulfillment and unconditional love. Not feeling this attachment right away can bring guilt, but you have nothing to be ashamed of<\/strong>.<\/p>\n
\nAt least, that\u2019s your first impression. It\u2019s important to note that at birth, your baby is not necessarily at their peak cuteness<\/strong>! Here\u2019s what might surprise you when you first meet them.<\/p>\nVernix caseosa<\/h3>\n
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A slightly misshapen head<\/h3>\n
A \u201cpuffy\u201d face<\/h3>\n
A messy baby<\/h3>\n
\nAs you can see, on the day of their birth, your baby might not be looking their best<\/strong>, but this is completely normal and will soon resolve itself!<\/p>\nCan you find your own baby ugly?<\/h2>\n
\nFor example, you might have imagined they\u2019d have their mother\u2019s beautiful blue eyes<\/strong> or their grandfather\u2019s straight nose, but instead they have their dad\u2019s protruding ears. While it\u2019s true that babies often resemble their parents, they won\u2019t necessarily only have the features you imagined<\/strong>.<\/p>\nDoes finding my baby ugly make me a bad parent?<\/h2>\n
\nBut no, ambivalence<\/strong> (feeling torn between opposite emotions, like loving your child but finding them ugly) is a normal feeling<\/strong>. Having negative thoughts about your child\u2019s appearance doesn\u2019t make you a bad parent. No one expects you to fall in love at first sight. Becoming a parent is a new situation, one you need time to adjust to<\/strong>.<\/p>\n